Creative Writing Portfolio
Avarie Groves
1111-01
Page
1………………………………………………………………………………Note to
Instructor
Page
2…………………………………………………………………………………Dock
Page
3-4………………………………………………………………………………Papa
Page
5-6………………………………………………………………………………Flashing
Memories
Page
7-8………………………………………………………………………………Patchwork
Man
Page
9-13…………………………………………………………………………….What
Changes Us
Page
1
Note to Instructor
In
the revised versions of my poems I strived to make changes that eliminated
unnecessary words or phrases and focused on concrete nouns. In my poem ‘Dock’ I
eliminated some vague expressions and tried to center the feeling of the poem.
When doing peer reviews the biggest feedback I got about this poem was that the
imagery seemed a little vague, so I concentrated on bringing the feeling to
life with more concrete imagery. In my poem ‘Papa’ I changed around the
composition of the poem to give it a better flow. It is less choppy and I feel
like it tells the story behind it much more efficiently with the changes I
made. For the poem ‘Flashing Memories’ I got rid of a lot of unnecessary words.
It my first draft of this poem I was focusing on trying to keep each line of
each stanza within the same length, and I sacrificed a lot of imagery to do. So
in my revised version I cut out a lot of redundancy and unneeded words, worked
on adding in some alliteration to a few lines to give it a better flow, and
overall tried to get my message across in a shorter, more refined way. My poem
‘Patchwork Man’ I tried to focus a lot on sound to draw it together. The first
draft was lacking the flow that I really wanted, so I reworded a lot of it
while keeping the same feeling story. I was really aiming for the way the words
sound together, especially since it’s got a lot of quick, short lines. For my
creative nonfiction piece I added a lot of sensory details tried to focus more
on scene versus summary. My original draft felt too much like I was telling my
story instead of showing it, so I expanded in a lot of places and tried to give
a better feel to the story. I hope that my message comes across better and the
sensory details are enough to give the reader an image of what is happening.
My
writing has definitely changed so far in this course. Reading poems out of our
book and being given writing prompts from them really challenged me in my
writing. It was useful to see how other authors incorporate different
variations of sound in their writing and then trying to find a unique way to do
it for myself. Being challenged to write nearly every day will make everyone a
better writer, no matter what level they are on, and I feel like that has
definitely pushed my writing skill to another level. In doing the creative
nonfiction piece I really had to stop myself from telling and learn how to show
with my writing, and this was something I had never considered before. I would
love for my writing to continue to grow from this experience- I really have a
passion for writing. Honestly, I would love to have something published one
day. Maybe not a complete novel, but it is something that has interested me my
entire life and I’ve had a lot of encouragement from past teachers and my
family. So, I really hope that my writing grows in a way that I can learn how
to incorporate all of the things you have taught us thus far in class into my
own writing.
In
the next units I am really nervous about playwriting. I took a creative writing
class in high school where we had to write a play and I feel like I did not do
particularly well at it. But I am hoping that we will learn some techniques to
make it fun and to better myself in it. Short fiction is always fun, but I have
a horrible tendency of letting my writing run away with me and taking things a
little past the definition of ‘short’. So hopefully I can learn to rein myself
in and focus just on the details I need to in my writing, instead of going off
onto tangents that tend to grow into something entirely different.
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2
Dock
He
called me, fire dancing just behind his words.
A
tangled-up love pulling his strings
And
a brimming desperation to him
That
echoed through me.
How
could I say no?
We
met at the muddy side of a dock,
The
waters beneath it shimmering quietly.
Night
filled it with muted colors,
But
was unable to quell the noise of creaking boards under our feet.
Wild
gestures painted smoke,
Slowly
spiraling from the tip of a grape flavored cigar.
My
eyes transfixed at the gap of rough, thick fingers.
Wide
and strong and kind.
And
then my world tilted,
Focused
solely on his earthy smile
On
his open, earnest face
On
his hands, shoulders, jaw-line.
And
then it straightened again-
Pulled
forward, stuttering, and crashing to a halt
In
his eyes filled up with pain
For
someone else.
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3
Papa
Thick and sticky red sugar
Covers my plump face.
Popsicle situated in my left hand as
A wide and innocent smile
Stretches across young skin.
Little fingers rest on papa’s knee
As he beams at the top of my head.
His grey sweatshirt is covered in dark
paint stains
And so are my palms,
But not my bright pink watermelon
jacket.
We painted the deck beneath us,
Red juices now running down my chin
Plopping softy on the wood
As nana snaps our picture
And fusses around to clean my face.
When she walks away,
To grab a new washcloth,
Papa leans down to me;
Wraps his large, rough fingers around
mine-
“You done good.”
My teeth show as my lips stretch over
them
All stained red.
The expression dies quickly
When I see my mom’s car.
Friday nights were always spent here,
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4
Letting nana clean my messes
And falling asleep on papa at night.
“Not tonight.”
Is all she says
Her words cropped and short.
As she drags me away
Papa calls goodbye,
Holding his sadness behind large
glasses and scratchy cheeks.
It wasn’t until much later in life
I realized my grandparents were always
better parents.
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5
Flashing Memories
I remember memories of my past in brief
seconds-
Fleeting like the grand flash of a firework
And I watch them trickle away just the
same.
I remember papa asking to help plant
his garden
He made a perfect little hole in the
ground
And I packed it with green pepper
seeds, covered it with dirt.
It stops.
I remember Elaine and me; barefoot in
my grandma’s kitchen
Flipping pancakes with a plastic
spatula
Halfway through belting out Sweet
Caroline
It stops.
I remember watching documentaries with
my dad
Stupid things about snakes and Noah’s
ark
And when they’re explaining the
mechanics of poisonous fangs
It stops.
I remember my roommates yelling at me,
again
As we stand in the puddle of our
flooded basement
And when I open my mouth to respond
It stops.
I remember getting drunk with Gunnar in
our apartment
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6
His friend so flexible with his fake ID
And when I go to give him a
whiskey-laced kiss
It stops.
I remember Water Street, Egret Court,
Pine Street, Sunset Trail, Tripp Street
My grandparents, parents, friends and
husband
Each place filled with those brief,
flashing moments.
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7
Patchwork Man
My
mother would pull up my covers,
Kiss
me good bye as she tuned my tiny radio and
Leave
me in my island of blankets to let the light die.
Soft
music would glide through the room-
Ariel
and Belle singing me to sleep.
In my dreams
I would wake
Drenched in fright.
A figure with
fiery eyes
And bright, red hair
Made of twine thread
Perched at my side.
Lying on the blanket
My mother made me.
His body of
Spliced patches
A crude sight;
Little red stripes
On white cloth
And yellow stars
Sown into blue.
His mouth would open to
A garish smile,
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8
And he’d whisper
The sweet
Childish lyrics
Sliding through my radio.
I would clench my blanket
My mother made me
tight around my neck.
I would close my eyes
Will the sight of him away.
Patch by patch
He would comply
Slowly disappearing.
My mother
Would run to my side
And I would
Close
My
Eyes
And she would disappear.
Page
9
What Changes Us
“I
know you like him.”
Her
words sunk into me like a poison, racing through my body to ignite that sick
feeling of anxiety in my stomach. I took a moment to notice how her words were
doing that to me more and more often lately, before I glanced up to meet her
eyes.
It
was a Saturday night; a busy time for any restaurant, but most especially for a
sports bar. Jessica was standing in front of me, her tiny frame drawing a
foreboding aura stemming from the coldness lurking beyond her large, brown
eyes.
I
met Jessica six months ago- a year after I finished high-school- when she
started working at the bar, the same one we were both fixed in the middle of as
she held me with her gaze. We became friends easily, mostly due to the fact
that I had become estranged from my only two friends from school. The fact that
we worked in a fast-paced environment where people weren’t too keen to help
each other might have had something to do with it as well. It was nice to know
a couple of people would have your back. Unless, of course, you ended up
finding out those people were their own special brands of crazy. But since high
school I had started losing myself- I had no idea where my life was going and I
wasn’t going to college, just stuck at the same bar I had been working at since
I was a Junior. I felt like I was in a limbo, and Jessica at least gave me
something to do to occupy my mind- smoking cigarettes, dancing in clubs, and
dating too many guys. It was far from safe, but it was fun in a reckless kind
of way that you can only get behind when you are young and stupid.
Her
words were echoing through me. I know you like him. I shifted uneasily, the
three Cokes I was balancing in my left hand sloshing over the sides of their
glasses and trickling down my wrist.
“Parker?”
I questioned hesitantly. I had gathered that Jessica was a self-conscious
person and maybe a little jealous of my relationship with her boyfriend. To be
fair, we had known each other for two years before they even met. We were never
more than strictly platonic though, and I’m sure I had reassured Jessica of that
more than a few times. “Wha-”
“I
really don’t care.” Her voice was flat. My hands were getting sticky from the
soda. “We’ve only been together for a few months, I’d rather have it end now
than be drug out. You guys should just be together. I’m really not going to be
upset about it.”
She
had inflicted a calm tone in her words. The kind of calm a crazy person
inflicts to convince people they’re sane.
“Parker
and I are not like that. You know that, Jess. We’re just close friends.”
Her
eyes narrowed, frown deepened, and when she spoke next her voice was wavering.
“I
don’t understand why if you’re really just “close friends” that I’ve had to
hear that so many times from both of you.” I could feel my face melting into a
look of confusion. I wanted to say, ‘because
Page10
you have to bring it up so many
times?’, but held my tongue, and she was barreling on. “You stay at his house
all the time, and I know you’ve slept in his bed.”
Table
five-eighteen need their Cokes and I had drinks waiting at the bar for table
five-eleven. Having this kind of conversation in the middle of the restaurant,
in the middle of a rush no less, was certainly not ideal. Jessica didn’t seem
keen on letting me go anywhere though so I sighed, feeling my anxiety build as
I tried to filter everything through my mind. I had drank a little too much and
Parker, trying to ‘protect my virtue’ -his words, not mine- from his friend
Tony, told me to just sleep in his bed. If anything it was the work of a
slightly overbearing older brother than a secret affair.
Apparently
this wasn’t the answer she was looking for. Or, she just really liked to find a
reason to be dramatic. Or maybe I really was in the wrong. I couldn’t find the
room in my mind to focus on it all so I pushed it aside as she stormed away and
I threw myself back into my work.
The
night drug on impossibly slow. On more than one occasion I happened to stumble
into the break room only to find the occupants deathly silent and watching me
with expressions ranging from curious to appalled. With Jessica at the center
of them, wiping thick tears from her cheeks. I felt tension uncoiling from my
muscles as I watched her collect her tips for the night and head home; only to
bubble back up slightly when Parker walked in not half an hour later.
I
nearly ran to him, ignoring the odd stares everyone was giving us. He gave me a
quick smile and launched into what he and Jessica had talked about before he
got there. He had worked everything out, of course. He was so much better at
that kind of stuff than me- better with words and feelings and, quite frankly,
emotional girls.
Everything
was great after that, for a while- people forgot about our gossip after a few
days and Jessica and I returned to normal. It was a little frustrating when she
would continue to mention things off-handedly about Parker and I. But she knew
that we had helped each other through some thick times, and I understood her
feeling left out sometimes. I tucked away the incident that night as her just
being self-conscious. What I should have done was taken it as a warning.
We
moved in together after a few months; Jessica and me and another mutual friend
from work. There were a couple incidents over those few months where Jessica
had found a reason to become upset and emotional again, mainly a huge fight
with her and Parker over him not spending enough time with her, but other than
that things were okay. I was young and impulsive and the notion of moving out
of my dad’s place and into my own house was irresistible. Too bad it rapidly
turned into the most toxic situation I had ever put myself into. It was nothing
but underage drinking in a run-down section eight house filled with crappy furniture
and emotional women.
It
was late one night, and we had invited some friends from work over after we had
finishing closing the restaurant down. We were sitting around a beat up piece
of wood we called our kitchen table, music blaring from the corner and empty
bottles of Captain Morgan lining the countertops, when someone mentioned
something that made Jessica go ballistic.
“A
bunch of us were out last weekend,” Amanda was a sweet, red-headed girl a few
years older than us, falling into the category of co-workers that could drink.
“We were at Tap on Fifth. It was fun, I think a couple of people might have had
a bit too much fun.” Her voice was light and joking as she glanced at Jessica.
“Erin and Parker were dancing together, it was pretty funny. I think they both
had a bit too much to drink.”
Page 11
Jessica’s
face flipped instantly from slightly tipsy to thoroughly pissed. “What?”
Amanda
flinched at her harsh tone. “Uh, yeah. It was no big deal, I mean they were
getting a little, uh, close, but they were just tipsy and having fun. It wasn’t
even for that long- just one song and then we were all back at our table.”
I
knew Jessica was self-conscious, that much had become obvious to me during our
time spent together. The full extent and ramifications of it I had not had the
pleasure of fully exploring yet however. So, when she proceeded to spend the
entire night bawling hysterically into her frozen margarita, threatening to
kill herself, and throwing a vase across the room with hulk-like strength, it
really did shock me.
After
that, I lived like I was strapped to a live bomb for three months. And every
time something went slightly wrong, it exploded; our basement flooded, and she
stomped around in the water, tears in her eyes and screaming about what a mess
her life was. I forgot to pick up my bowl of cereal from the living room and
she told me I was a horrible roommate; messy and inconsiderate. Parker went to
a bar after work and I had to hug her while she cried for hours about how he
didn’t really care about her and listen to veiled comments that suggested it
was my fault. I’ve had anxiety my whole life, but I can’t remember a time that
it was worse than when I was living with Jessica. Fortunately, after three
months I was gone, because I met Gunnar.
Gunnar
was sweet and innocent, and kind of a dork. He became an escape and even though
I was yelled at most of the time for sneaking out of the house to go see him-
being accused of not caring about Jessica because I spent so much time with
him- he helped me gain perspective. He showed me love and what true friendship
was at a time in my life when I had almost completely lost my grasp on both. I
think Jessica hated it. I know she hated him.
“Gunnar!
If you park that stupid truck in the drive way one more time, I’m going to run
you over with it!” Jessica slammed the front door behind her, face tinted
purple behind her tan skin from anger.
Gunnar
had an archaic Chevy truck that he made a habit out of parking in the drive way
at our place. Not to be rude, but because he tended to be a little oblivious.
“Sorry,
Jess. I’ll go move it.” Gunnar made to get up from the living room couch and I
sighed. Who cared if he parked in the drive way? She had only come home to get
ready for work and would be gone again in an hour.
“Don’t
worry about it, I parked in the street.” She spat, eyes narrowing as she
watched him leave to go move it anyway. “Why is he so inconsiderate?”
I
flinched as she rounded on me. “I really don’t think he means to-“
“I
know he does it on purpose, just to piss me off!” She cut me off, throwing her
hands in the air in exasperation. “And you don’t even care! God, you’ve changed
so much since you started dating him. I don’t understand why people have to
change so much.”
She
retreated to her room and I did the same, curling up in my bed as I waited for
Gunnar to come back in. He found me under my comforter and pulled my back
against his chest. I was breathing deeply, trying to calm myself. This
definitely wasn’t the worst of Jessica’s outbursts, but it was becoming harder
for me to control my anxiety as it was. Having Gunnar there helped, his large
body enveloping me, scratchy cheek resting against mine.
Page 12
He
held my hand, stroking his calloused thumb over my palm.
“You
don’t need to put up with this. Why don’t you just leave?”
So
I did. Gunnar started school in Iowa two months later and I went with him. We
lived together for almost a year when I got pregnant and we had to move back
home. It was still two years before I saw Jessica again.
I
was with Parker’s sister, Alexis, at an event she had won tickets for on the
radio. It was on a big boat on the lake with food and dancing, but Alexis and I
spent most of our time on the top deck, sipping our Jack and Coke’s and using
the time to catch up with each other. Having a one-year-old son gives you a lot
less time to see your friends, especially when they were in school full time,
like Alexis was.
Alexis
also loved to gossip about her brother, especially to me since I knew him so
well and could keep up with all the crazy stories she told about him. She was
recounting the story, from her point of view, of why Parker and Jessica broke
up. Given, they had broken up nearly a year ago, but were still somewhat
on-again off-again until just a few months prior. I knew all of this from
Parker; we kept in touch but it was never quite like those years when we were
both lost, helping each other through relationships and spending late nights at
his place watching sappy rom coms together. Things changed when you had a kid.
We
had moved on to discussing Alexis’ classes, she was studying to become a civil
engineer, when we saw her. We had joked about it before we got there, how funny
and awkward it would be if, by some strange chance, we ran into Jessica.
Somehow it wasn’t as funny and three times as awkward when it actually
happened.
“I
have to say hi.” Alexis sighed, watching her move through the crowd a few yards
away from us.
“You
really don’t.” I replied flatly, chewing on the end of the neon pink straw in
my drink.
It
didn’t matter because Jessica saw us and rushed over. Her eyes were glazed and
her cheeks flushed, indicating she had maybe drank just a little too much.
I
gave her a brief hug as she sat with us, launching into a story about her new
boyfriend- Jared or James or something like that.
“How
is Parker?” She asked cheerfully, like she didn’t know that they had broken up
because she slept with his brother Mike and sent him down a familiar path of
depression.
“He’s
really good.” I replied, voice tight with a protective edge. As much as Parker
could play the overbearing older brother, I found my times to reciprocate. “He
has a new job from his degree, living in a new place. He’s doing really well.”
She
looked up at me, eyes large and glassy and face open. “Are you in love with
him?”
The
question hit me hard, and I’m sure I froze for more than a few seconds. Anger,
confusion, and a huge chunk of anxiety that I had left with her were crashing
over me. I felt small and nervous again, in the blink of an eye. I reminded
myself of Gunnar and my son, pulling away sharply from the emotions of my past
and grounding myself firmly in the present.
Page 13
Alexis
scoffed into her drink. “I’m pretty sure she’s engaged.”
Jessica
shrugged, no trace of embarrassment readable in her expression. It was as if
she was hoping for it- hoping to be right after all this time despite the fact
that I had a kid and, practically, a husband.
“Gunnar
is great.” I started after a minute, moving the conversation on. I was past
justifying myself to her. “He starts a new job in a couple weeks. And I’m starting
school again in the fall.”
The
conversation veered away from Parker and we only talked for a bit longer before
running out of things to say. Jessica excused herself and went back to her sister,
who she had come with.
Alexis
and I let out a breath at the same time and my eyes locked on her.
“Not
much has changed there, huh?” Alexis shook her head at my words, a small smile
in her eyes.
Though
not much had changed for her, thankfully everything had changed for me. All
that time I had spent taking her verbal abuse, making me feel useless and
stupid, had been repaired. That worry of what I was going to do with my life
after high school, of having no direction or purpose, had been stitched
together with my new family and really, if it wasn’t for her I’m not sure if it
ever would have happened. You can’t have the good without your fair share of
bad, and I don’t think I would have appreciated my new life without my old one.
I
wasn’t hit with this realization until later that night, sitting at home with
my son curled in my lap and Gunnar sprawled across our large couch next to me.
Maybe I held my son a little tighter. Maybe I kissed Gunnar a little longer,
and let him soothe away the last of my worries.
